London, Sarajevo & Venice

We arrived London on 24 Oct and the cool breeze of the Thames river cruise with seagulls hovering above and the scenic London city horizon was breathtaking and picture-perfect. Then dinner with RISM UK Chapter, presented a paper on KM, interviewed new members, met RICS president and shopped at M&S and bicester village were all we could cramped in two days. Then it was off to Bosnia & Croatia.

The scenic countryside and the weather in Bosnia were amazing and the old bridge in Mostar was remarkable.10 years after the devastation, development could be seen and Malaysia has major investments in Bosnia. But the scars still remains. The faces of Bosnian, the bullet-ridden buildings, the videos of the relentless bombings, the remains of tunnel of hope, all were grim reminders of what happened in Sarajevo. It was heart-wrenching and with guilt we realised how the world stoodby doing nothing for 3 years while women were raped, men were tortured and killed, and childhood were taken away. They were betrayed by their own countrymen, neighbors and fellow Muslims. It could easily happen in Malaysia if extremists kept on playing the racial cards. 

In Croatia I was amazed with the enormous water-tide horn that sounded like melodious frogs croaking  and the biggest circular solar panels that provides electricity for the lighting of the park at night. The Croatian seemed abit arrogant compared to the Bosnian. Lunch and dinner comprised fresh vege with olive oil & vinegar and either grilled fish or grilled chicken. By the forth day we were yearning for Malaysian cuisine - thank you to Dato' Rahman for obliging. As for the currency we brought Euro and 1 Euro (RM4.7) equals to Bosnia KM2 and Croatia Kunna 7.



Then there is Venice - 12 of us stayed another day as the rest of the group went home. The adventure began with the picturesque scenery of Venice as in the James Bond-Daniel Craig movie. We soaked in the ambiance of the St Mark's Square, the confusing alleys & maze, the frantic search for the Rialto bridge, the melting pot of people, glass products, masks, & hosts of other souvenirs, not forgetting LV, Prada, Gucci, Channel, Salv Feragamo (sebok tanya harga aje with whispered remarks of the price being a fraction in Shenzhen!!). Back in the hotel we had hilarious memories of bringing up the suitcases in a small lift with no buttons !!! I hosted a spontaneus dinner party in my room feasting on balance food we brought, cheese & crackers we stowed from the breakfast buffet, hot drinks with Liz's semi-conked water heater, buns & butter Anne bought, and ikan bilis, sambal daging & fruit cake compliments from Datin Ropiah. Shopping for loved ones still continued at Dubai Airport on transit and the in-flight shopping in the Emirates flight. It was a fitting end to an incredible trip. Now to read those numerous books I bought stuffed into the already bulging suitcase.

 

All of us in front of Zagreb Mosque, Bosnia



QSIC 2011 - I don't know what to expect

The 10th QSIC 2011 was successfully held on 10 - 11 Oct 2011 at Hardrock hotel Penang. As the organizing chair I felt a sense of accomplishment and a sense of relief that it amazingly went well.

At the initial stage, there were so many logistic issues as its the very first time the convention was held out of KL. We were apprehensive and worried that it would be poorly attended. I don't know what to expect. As the day drew nearer, other problems cropped up and as they say when it rains it pours - technical visit to Penang 2nd bridge cancelled due to poor weather and heritage trail to Balik Pulau due to road under construction, one international invited speakers could not travel due to health, message in program book changed at the last minute, draft speech was not approved until the last minute, problem with the printing of the program book, transportation issues, changes to backdrop, alignment of the screen, changes to the sequence of the opening ceremony, and a host of other small issues.

The venue at Hardrock hotel was brilliant and we decided the theme of the convention to be  "Rockin' Transformation" - and rock we did!!! Everything fell in place. The ambiance and the setting of the banquet hall was simple, straightforward and cosy without the feeling of intimidation of a customary huge banquet hall. The keynote address was amazing as Tan Sri Rafidah Aziz was quick, intelligent and direct. The papers were presented with zest and candour. It was well attended with over 300 participants. And all the problems were resolved thanks to the teamwork spirit of all involved. The only thing that let us down was the poor sound system during the opening ceremony.



Part of the rocking team at the end
 of the first day

 But one thing that is predictable is the Guest of honor. As such we appreciate the effort of Deputy Minister YB Dato' Yong who graciously travelled and consent to our last minute change to the program. My deepest appreciation to JKR, ISM, USM, BQSM and organising committee. Special thanks to AP Sr Azlan Raofuddin Nuruddin, Sr Rozita Yahya, Emi Azwa, Alina and Dato' Abdull Manaf and all participants who answered to our call for attendance.

Melbourne and Hari Raya

We have been celebrating Hari Raya for a week. I have been stuffing my face with ketupat, rendang, nasi dagang and kuzi. The 2 kilo I lost fasting for a month is back with a vengeance within just a few days. Ina and Angah is still happily collecting duit raya from their aunties and uncles eventhough Angah has started work a month ago but as he quickly explained to his uncles "tak grad lagi and gaji pun tak dapat lagi". Ina had invaded my wardrobe and went away with several of my kebayas for her baju raya. Angah was happy with two black shirts his brother chose in Melbourne and a lilac-colored baju Melayu. This year marked the second Raya we celebrated without my eldest son who is still in Melbourne.



Along and friends on graduation day

The third week of fasting month we were in Melbourne to attend his graduation. It had been decided that he would stay on for a year or two to get some architectural experience in Australia.  I missed him dearly and my heart ached when we left him in Melbourne. I can still recall the image of him in his pajamas shivering in the cold Melbourne weather waving to us until we were out of sight. I cried in the taxi the whole journey to the airport. We hoped it is a right decision for him. But sadly as of today he has yet to get any placement. I guess by next month he has to apply for a part-time job as a dishwasher for his upkeep - like his father when he was studying in Hull, UK !!


Parenting is said to come naturally but when you make a decision for the children, or either agree or disagree with what they want - you never know. There have been times when I questioned myself - are we doing the right thing? I remember two years ago when we decided for my eldest  to continue his Masters in Melbourne- we were at KLIA airport and he had just finished phoning his sister and brother and trying hard to restrain the sadness he turned to me and asked - "Do I have to go?" Only God knows how awful I felt as a mother. We have nothing but good intention and hope and pray it is the best for the children.  I was quite strict with them when they were young especially my eldest since he will be the example for the other siblings. Now on reminiscing, at times I regret some of the actions I did in disciplining them - although I never lay a finger on them but my tone or silence was enough for them to know my disappointment. I could have been more patient. But regret is not an option. Their obedience may not be reflective of what they really want. The greatest gift any child could give the parent is the gift of being happy and God-fearing.

Selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin. Taqabbalallahu minaa wa minkum.

Sri Lanka - the land of smiles

I went to Sri Lanka from 22 - 27 July for the PAQS conference and presented a paper on project management. We stayed at Cinnamon Grand Hotel, the conference venue.  Everything was spot on - the opening gambit, the papers, the hotel, the dinners, the hospitality and my presentation. Not to be missed of course is the shopping - when in Sri Lanka you must buy their tea, spice and gemstones. I also managed to grab a few pieces of sari and a few ayurveda products.

 

Friends who doubled the joy

I don't know what to expect in Sri Lanka as there is not much written about the country other than the upheavel and the Tamil Tigers. There's no highway nor any toll and most of the road are two-lane. But to my surprise Colombo is clean, the people are friendly and smiles are in abundance, those in the retail are not pushy, the tourism business not irritatingly commercialised, and even the custom officers had smiles and apologised before checking and when they delayed us. Every RM34 gives you 1,000 Sri Lankan Rupee. Travelling around is easy as there are the ever-present tut-tut that cost only 200 Rupee and could housed 1-3 people. Taking the taxi or van would cost more but the beauty is that it could accommodate as many people as you are comfortable in!!! What more can you ask.

The ladies that rock the beach


 

Sr Ong and Dato' Isahak singing
their hearts out in baritone

We were so happy and relaxed in Sri Lanka that during the barbeque dinner at the beach, the Malaysian delegates just got up and dance crazily to the live retro music. I may be blamed for that as I urged them since the atmosphere was so alive with music of my era - saturday nite fever, abba, bee gees, beatles, boney M and the likes. The place was dimly lit and everybody was busy eating and not looking. Shazali started it when he said "Mak kita kata kena ikut cakap ketua tapi ketua kena start dulu". So we can't disappoint Shazali's mum, can we? Than others began to join in. Hope what happens in Sri Lanka stays in Sri Lanka and nothing got put in the You-tube!!! During the last dinner, the Malaysian delegates sang "Rasa Sayang" with Amnah as the lead singing the pantuns.

Kudos to IQSSL for an excellent organization of the conference with excellent papers under the able leadership of iron lady Prof Chitra.

London & Bersih

I went to UK for almost two weeks for 4 objectives - accreditation visit, witness the historic installation of Sr Ong as RICS global president, interview QS applying for ISM membership, and attend ISM UK chapter's reception dinner. The accreditation visit together with Prof Dr Abdul Rashid was one hectic week as upon arriving at Heathrow airport we travelled direct to Liverpool and Bristol and back to London. Although I was physically and mentally exhausted it was satisfying meeting with the learned professors and lecturers of both universities and ensuring QS program for Malaysian students meets the requirements of Malaysian construction industry.

I spent my birthday on 2nd July meeting UKC committee members and interviewing applicants for ISM special entry in London. On the 4th July 2011, busload of Malaysian surveyors arrived at RICS headquarters, uncouth by British standard, we were cheering and hooting with flags flying when Sr Ong was installed as RICS global president - the first ever non-British and it was a proud moment for all Malaysians. On 5th July 2011, we attended UKC reception dinner held at Holiday Villa which was well organised and successfully held and I could not have been more proud of them. Personally I get a feeling of euphoria and a sense of achievement being able to be part of making UKC a reality and celebrating its 1st anniversary in London. Well done Sr Faisal and his hard-working team.

Coming back to Malaysia, I was down with flu and had coughing fits. I cut short my stay in London to be back in time for ISM 50th anniversary dinner and my niece's "sambut menantu" ceremony. However to my utter disappointment the dinner was postponed on the advice of the police due to the meaningless planned show of demonstration by groups of disatisfied hooligans - calling for the so-called "Bersih" rally. They had their window of opportunity to forward their memorandum when they had an audiance with the Agung but they choose to resort to illegal street demonstration and disrupting people's lifes in their arrogant show of defiance. This is the leadership with Pak Pandir mentality of "menang sorak kampong tergadai". The leaders of the pack are still stuck in immature "campus politics" in their pursuit for attention with one main objective of trying to put the nation in chaos, which at the end of the day they fail miserably. They have the audicity to inform foreign press that it was a success and the guts to make further demands on the government. 

 

What makes my heart aches is seeing my fellow Malays berpecah belah - how vulnerable are we? The fate of the Malays lies in the hands of these 3 leaders - unfortunately all of them have different ideologies and approaches -Transformation, Islamic, and ...... (I don't have any vocab for Annuar's approach). All three somehow have some baggage - one is the wife, the other is a holier than thou attitude, and the another is a pompous self-centred liar. I wish I  have the power and miracle to knock some sense in these three so that they could work together. It needs divine intervention.

You think you've done enough?

I chance upon an intriguing article by knizam in facebook with regards to a wife's duties to her husband. Its a long article, using in-your-face language, that received flak from his female friends who accuse him of being an MCP. What drawn me to the article is that in between his  bewilderment  towards a wife who did not respect and "want" her man is the simplicity of the point he is making - but whether his equation is true or not is debatable.

He started by putting across a scenario of a tired but faithful wife, who may herself have a career, doing household chores and care for the children, then hubby coming home expecting to be served and attended to including in bed which the wife dutifully did. But lo and behold hubby is still wayward and infidel - WHY?? His theory is that doing all those things, are not enough - those are basic. (you know that Maslow theory of needs). The key element is "the wife wanting the husband" not the other way round (or in his words "seorang isteri itu patut memberi khidmat dengan sangkaan bahawa dia yang berhajat pada suaminya, bukan suami berhajat padanya!"). This makes the difference on a wife's attitude - doing out of duty or doing out of want. The former plants the seeds of betrayal but the latter keeps her man.

The question, as one of his female friends asked is, how do you make your body "want" when the heart bleeds? The "bleed" maybe due to things that hubby did or did not do - it could be some hurtful behavior or just little things which over the years accumulated and became like a cancerous tumor that grew.

A good friend of mine said that a man who took a second wife is not because he wants to or because he is not happy with his wife - but because he just can't say "NO". A man can flirt around, be extremely friendly with young women, have numerous girlfriends, even sow his wild seeds but when it come to the crutch/ when the besotted sweet young thing asked to be married - the man must have the courage to say No.

My mum advised me on my wedding day that you can never know a man who is quiet and internalised. That's the kind of husband who has a virtual diary in his mind. Any disobediance or stubborness from the wife will be tolerated. He would not make a scene, nor repeat himself, but these dislikes goes in that virtual diary and when the diary is virtually full he would close the book and walk away. And at that moment when the wife asked why, he can't explain himself but the feeling towards her is just gone. So armed with that advice, every Hari Raya, not only did I ask for hubby's forgiveness as any wife would, but I asked him to erase or undo all his virtual jottings!!

Umrah 2011

There were 10 of us comprising mum, sister, two brothers, two sisters-in-law, nephew, Lila, Ina and I. It was a motley of different characters and behaviors but with one common goal - in search of God's forgiveness............ and bearing myriads of hajats. It was a holy journey, a penghijrahan, and it was also a journey of self-discovery. As we mingled amongst us and others in between the 5 prayer times, that one poetic phrase that kept coming to mind is "the humility to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what cannot be accepted and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other".


My beloved sisters

There were so many memories - taking turns to push mum's wheelchair, finding the most wheelchair-friendly route to the mosque and sticking to it, the challenges we faced in crowded cramped toilets, the funny moments we had with mum due to her forgetfulness in taking her insulin jabs and her shaking hands, the pigeon that fly-in the taxi to sit on Ina's lap, Lila and the immigration, apple cider and honey, spirulina quacker oats with sambal daging, dessert cart by sis, lubanah, Faisal and burger king, shopping at Safwa towers, good souls who tapau food for us, the spray bottle for emergency ablution,  praying under the hot hot sun outside the mosque, the serenity of the mosques, salam Rasullulah SAW, Raudhah, the tasbih, the sunats, the doas, the hajats, the tears, and of course the Umrah. Doa perpisahan and tawaf wida' were the most heartfelt goodbyes. No other experience could match all these.


Fooling around with my botak-head nephew

I thank my sisters, brothers, etc for this wonderful journey, this colourful experience that I would hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.  I have make good my promise to mum two years ago when she was critically ill for a month in the ICU - begging her to hold on and praying hard to God to give me another chance.

Ya Allah - ampunlah dosa kedua ibu bapaku, guru-guruku, kaum keluargaku, saudara-saudaraku yang telah meninggal, kaum muslimin dan muslimat. Ya Allah ampunlah dosa suamiku, dosa anak-anakku dan dosaku. Berilah kami keberkatan dunia dan akhirat. Selamatlah kami dari fitnah dunia, dari seksa kubur, dari khianat dajjal, dan dari azab api neraka.Ya Allah mati kami dalam iman. Amin.

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Blessing in disguise

I tried to rationalise my feelings and pacify myself that the best man wins but the feeling of being betrayed yet again by friends is overwhelming. I gave part of my life, not to mention the sacrifices and effort of not only on my part but that of my family. I felt the turmoil inside me, the feeling of not being appreciated and belittled by those who don't really know me - guess this is what they described as "perasaan gundah gulana".  I was in a very vulnerable state.

At the same time I was also experiencing another difficult situation that would jeopadize our family's intention of performing umrah. My daughter is undergoing practical training and may not be able to join us. The thought of my beloved Ina not with me on such a peotic and serene moment of three generations in front of the holy Kaabah is something that I could not bear. The whole day was tense and I was panicky as I made numerous phones calls in between having to sit in meetings and all the engaged tones and unanswered calls. Thank God for good souls and friends who went beyond their duties to assist and granting the necessary permission and exemption. Upon it being resolved I just broke down and wept.

It makes me realised how small my other personal problem was in comparison. I felt at peace with myself and the turmoil inside me just vanished and it just doesn't matter much. They always tell you that God works in mysterious ways. He may not grant you this wish but other things happened that put you in a better perspective of life and what matters most. It reminds me of a boy who wished for a bicycle for christmas. The boy prayed hard everyday for God to grant his wish. On christmas day he excitedly run to the christmas tree expecting a bicycle but alas it was not there. His poor mum who could not afford the bicycle cried and said "I'm sorry God did not answer your prayer". And the boy said "No mum, God answered my prayer - He said No".

It is customary that as we embark on our holy pilgrimage we need to ask for forgiveness from families and friends. I hereby ask for forgiveness from all my friends if I had in any way consciously or unconciously hurt you.

SUPERWOMAN

A week ago was Mother's day. There was a TV program that showed a woman who is raising 50 kids - 6 of her own and the rest are either abandoned, or HIV-positive, or with special needs kids. One could see that here is a woman who is full of love and compassion. It also showed another woman who is caring for her special child that engulfed her whole life. My own mum raised 9 children when my dad died when I was 2 years old. I paled in comparison. I felt inadequate and had not done enough.

Then I read my son's blog - Golden Slumber:

" beautiful, smart, elegant (browsing through thesaurus as we speak..) - words won't do you any justice.

you can enter america's next top model and emerge the winner the next day

you can be in who wants to be a millionaire and walk away with 1 million in the next half an hour

you can even be the next big Apprentice working alongside Trump in a finger snap

but please... jangan masuk 'Jangan Lupa Lirik' :)

if only theres superman's robe in her wardrobe, everything would make make so much sense! the things she did and achieve is almost superhuman-esque :)

thank you, thank you, thank you, to know you is a privilege, but to have you as a mom... i dont even know where to begin :) happy mother's day mama, i love you i love you.

always a superwoman to me :)"

Then my daughter commented in her brother's blog

"to mama : there wont be any space in your wardrobe for a superman robe unless you clean it and give it all to ........ ME! you know the drill ma, K I F M! sayyyyy what? K I F M! ( keep it for me) you truly are a mother like no other. our guiding light, our source of strength and... the list goes on. kembang dah tuuu kembangggg! :8) i could wish to grow to be like you. minus your bad sense of direction that is :P love youu! nak milo!"

My other son gave me a casing, which is no more in stock, for my out-dated 3G iphone in his favorite color - black. He said I would always think of him. I received sms from my nephew who is more of a son to me. He sms "Happy mother's day to my lovely aunty, cikmun..... thank you for supporting me, sporting.....may Allah bless ur kindness...tq cikmun..love u.."

I was blown away. Inadequacies - Gone; feeling of not doing enough - Gone. As they say "one kid at a time". I have done my part.

Now - if only I could ensure that they wake up early for their Subuh prayer instead of what was said in the quality term of  "JIT - Just In Time"!!

Excuse me, are you Dato'?

I was at the Penang airport lounge waiting for my flight when the quiet atmosphere was broken by the booming voices of two men:
Dato' 1: "Do you know that I'm a Dato' now?" (bold to show emphasis)
Dato' 2: "I'm a Dato' too".
Dato' 1: "But I'm a Dato' second time around".
Dato' 2: "I'm a two-time Dato' too - my daughter just give me a grandchild".
Dato' 1: "My second Dato' is given by another Sultan"
So there you go a conversation between 2 Datos that ensure everyone in the lounge understood who they are.

The other day I attended a meeting for construction industry players together with the government agencies  and I was unusually seated way down the end of the long table and I was informed that the seating arrangement would now be based on datukship!  Whatever my prefix, Past President of ISM, Assoc Prof, Dr and the fact that I had been contributing to the meeting is of no consideration.

I was having lunch at a cafe and the lady at the next table kept on calling the waiter for one thing or another and everytime she addressed herself  "Datin nak ......" or "Datin rasa..........." or "Datin tak suka.............." until the clueless waiter at last called her Datin instead of aunty. At Bangsar shopping complex the nepalese security guards called me Datin. Vainly I thought because I dressed well until I realised that they called every lady, Datin.

I do admit at times I am guiltily vain. Once upon a long time ago I was addressed as "dik", then as the years passed it converted into "kak" then it gradually turned into "aunty" when all of a sudden last month it became "makcik". Oh such sweet sorrow that I nearly tripped in my 4-inch heel !!!. And I guess later, courtesy of the children, my husband become a dignified "Datok" I will be ..........an old "Nenek".

Lat, HMM & AF

We went to see Lat the musical as Istana Budaya. The thing about Lat is that he looks cute and cuddly and his cartoon of himself is equally adorable. It would not be difficult to delved into the man himself. Ordinary or out of ordinary events, there would sure be a caricuture of an interesting aspect or moment of that event in the paper the next day that only Lat could capture. And it would be exaggerated, to the point and hilarious. But most importantly Malaysian - he is the epitome of 1Malaysia. However, I was slightly disappointed as the musical did not capture that essence of Lat. Although I love the character of Mrs Hew, Frankie, Lat's father and the poignant moment when Awie's voice soared with sadness upon his father's death, I give the show a B.

But OMG - Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa - what can I say !!! AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT. I was proud that a local production can churn out such international class act - parallel to the internationally acclaimed "Alexander, Thor, Braveheart" and the likes. I wished to say WELL DONE & CONGRATULATIONS to the KRU team. I remember going to the first KRU concert with the children at the stadium long time ago and I think I enjoyed it more than the kids. Even at that time they emphasised on quality entertainment. HMM is a clear A. I'm not giving it an A+ cos the teeth of all the actors were too glaringly white and perfect. Just leave the hero's teeth perfect. Other barbarians and villians should be crooked, decayed, blackened or some teeth missing as Jack Sparrow's !!!

Call me lame but I enjoyed Konsert Akademi Fantasia - though not as much as before and tears not shed anymore. Back then it would be the weekly family entertainment - I would make ready or order TV dinner with lots of snacks. Since this is said to be the last AF, with the efferversant Aznil as the anchor with his "kezutan" and gila-gila Sarimah, Amy Search as the pengetua, it may be a good showing. Hopefully the judges would not be too technical and arrogant but be the likes of JLo & Stev Tyler of American Idol (plezzz no Ramli MS, Aman Ramli, Fauziah Ahmad Daud & Shafinaz - bring back Kudsia Kahar) . So I will be in front of the TV come tomorrow night - ready to fight for the TV remote with my beloved who is no more interested in AF after Stacy season.

ISM Family Walk



It was a clear day. I participated in ISM Family Walk  this morning comprising more than 100 surveyors including family members and student members. We climbed Bukit Gasing while cleaning up the area of litters that mostly comprised plastics, water bottles, and polystyrene food containers. Why? Why? people kept on littering. I was informed that its not the joggers who littered but the DBKL or JBA workers. The boy who was walking alongside me observed that there is not a single dustbin to throw rubbish - he's so right!!!.

Why no dustbin maaa??



We started at 7.30 am from Dr Khoo's house and while others completed and was back for their breakfast by 9.00 pm I was the last to arrive back at 9.45 pm (apart from a group of student members from UITM who started the climb late). I get the feeling of deja vu - when we climbed Mt Kinabalu last year I was also the last to arrive. Thought of feigning dizziness to hitch a ride from the Red cross ambulance but as always my mind (and ego) never listens to my aching body.

Again I found myself to be the last!!!

Katherine started an impromptu collection of donation for the Japan tsunami victim. Our hearts and prayer to the victims.

Now I ached all over - OMG I am really really not fit. I need to start that exercise regime that I kept on promising myself that I should start. Where is that bottle of Glucosamine for my creaking knee  - maybe need to take double dosage.


 



The scenic and breathtaking panorama of greens against the KL backdrop

Political awareness

I may not be politically involved but I am politically aware. I am not politically illiterate and I know what's going on and what's good for the country. I always believe that you have to always look at the bigger picture as politics are not about a few issues and you should not be swayed and make rash judgement based on that. The very fabric of malaysian integrity is woven within its political and racial harmony. What I could do in a small way I did. I use my voting right responsibly even its just one vote.  I don't participate in what I call campus politics - University students not knowing the right channels resort to unruly demonstration, anonymous letters, unhurling banners - it's amazing that some politicians are still practising these !!

It's so easy to be anti-establishment - the easiest thing in the world is to criticise, condemn and tear everything apart after it happened. Comments that goes like - corruption rampant, public accountability zero, incoherence public policies, poor state of judiciary, legacy that tolerate political nonsense, etc. - as if nothing good had been done, as if everything is in a state of chaos, categorising and generalizing everything. You can see the glass as half empty or half full i.e. only taking the negative or both including the positive. It also reminded me of Maslow's theory of needs. My stand is simple show me the evidence of wrong doings and I will believe but not until then. Even then its only for that particular event - its not for me to generalise and equate what wrong happenned in that is also happening in others.

In my line of work with regards to procurement, tender and contract, I had my share of these innuendos. Someone told someone who then told my trustworthy friend. Am I to believe these someones who presumably said his source is reliable?!!! Hearsays regarding who are getting what project and how, biasness, cronyism, requests, top-ups, commissions. I don't conclude, label, categorise nor make judgement on hearsays. It may be correct and these things happenned as we are not living in a perfect world - so its important to trust the system - and report them. I distrust those who said they have the evidence but waiting for the right time and insisting to be believed. As I kept on saying - if you have the evidence, bring these people to court and let it be judged. Without all the information, the bigger scheme of things in its actual context, who are you to judge?

Happy birthday ISM

ISM celebrates its 50th birthday this year and in conjunction with that, a 50th anniversary commemorative book was compiled. The launching of the commemorative book was held on 17 Feb 2011 at Mutiara Crowne Plaza Hotel. Since President volunteered me to be incharge of the launch, naturally I invited my favourite minister, YB Senator Dato' Sri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil to be the guest of honor. As usual she was witty and a joy, showed total professionalism and commitment and in her opening address when she referred to me as her good friend and invited me to be involved in politics, I was teased by friends for days. There were multimedia shows, ice sculpture and Katherine and four of her staff making a grand entrance marching in the hall with the book accompanied with the song "Gemilang". We even had all logistic personnel wore the ISM 50th anniversary T-shirt. In addition ISM Wikiknowledge was also launched and a technical paper presented. All went well. I wished to thank all members especially past presidents and senior members who attended the launch.

But the drama weeks and days before the completion of the book and well after the first print could have been a drama made for TV3 in the samarinda slot. I can't say about others' experience, but from where I stand, I could well see the commotion to ensure the content was satisfactory and printed on time for the launch, and arguments continued even after the launch. There were flurries of emails, last minute changes, emails lost in translation, accusations, impassioned words, harsh and hard decisions made, emotions stirred, heated exchange of opinions through emails/sms, and tense meetings.

But I know, and as every member who is involved knows, especially the editors who were totally committed, it was a painstaking labour of love to collate all the historical data and pictures and to say our thanks to senior personalities who had a hand in laying the foundation of ISM, past presidents for bringing ISM to what it is today, and to members who have supported ISM all these years. Hopefully good sense will prevail and all of us will be proud of the commemorative book.

Tun Mahathir - the musical

On 28 Jan 2011 we went to Istana Budaya to catch the musical on Tun Mahathir. The musical was featured in that morning paper and I was curious to see their interpretations of his personal life and as the Prime Minister. As we settled in our seats, the hall was abuzzed and the whole audiance stood up and clapped. We were going - what? what? - what's going on? As it turned out, Tun Mahathir and wife also decided to attend the musical that night. My son explained that Tun was not able to catch  the musical before as he was taken ill in Melbourne while there for a talk. And it seemed due to that, the turn-out for the talk which was supposed to be a sell-out, was very poor - I don't envy his substitute. Even my son who was in Melbourne at the time thinking of attending changed his mind.

The musical showed his young days where he loved his books and already into business. It portrayed a reasonably level-headed, charming but shy young man and the musical ended upon his historic speech to resign from all posts during the 2003 UMNO assembly. Some scenes were quite loose and one scene made me somewhat uncomfortable as it was overboard but overall I'll give it a B+. I just felt that he could have been better portrayed. It may have been difficult to portray someone alive without having the liberty to put in creative dramatization. The commemorative book states that only after several years Tun gave his permission with a condition that all be based on true events.

But the last scene - awesome. I had tears streaming down - it was a very poignant scene between Tun and Siti Hasmah. Any hardcore critics against him would have melt. Esma Daniel playing Tun was amazing. His stance, his speech and even his feature at times were uncannily aliked. My only regret was that his bush jacket was a tad long - if it was a bit shorter it would have been perfect. Anyway back to the last scene - that was outstanding. You couldn't help but felt his anguish, his helplessness alike an old man defeated. His words of heartfelt sorrow rang out loud - "I fail". He brought development to Malaysia but the level of Bumiputera development was not up to his expectation as  reflected in the poem "Perjuangan yang belum berakhir" but he, not wanting to overstay his welcome decided it was time for him to leave.

Traditional medicine

 I was not feeling well the past week. My body felt weak and no appetite with a terrible sore throat. The ironic thing is I knew this will happen whenever I drink cold iced drinks. But occassionaly I can't resist the desire to drink a long cool iced fruit juice, lassi, iced blended or the very least soft drinks on hot afternoons. I caved in to that craving and binged on these devillish drinks. And there I was feeling miserable and regretting yet again.  And I knew what comes next - the sore throat often always signal the onset of a cold/flu which subsequently develop into a month long of coughing fits even with the cough medicine and antibiotics prescribed by the clinic.

I wasn't too keen to visit the clinic I normally frequented. Not only have I lost faith in the effectiveness of the flu and cough medicine but also the charge. I had just come to realise that the nurse/clerk at the counter may charge more than the amount the doctor in the examination room had informed me. Try this at your clinic and see if the rate differs. This "practise" may have been going on for years. The last straw was a month ago when we brought our daughter who was having slight fever and flu to the clinic. We felt the charge was outrageous for a normal examination and a pack of panadol, cough syrup in a plastic bottle, flu medicine and antibiotics - which was not that effective.

So this time I decided to go traditional. The Chinese singseh recommended dried herbs and other condiments to be drank like Chinese tea and a packet of pills, which are to bring my temperature down - all at a fraction of the cost charged by the clinic. I also tried mum's remedy of gurgling warm salt water and taking tamarind juice. Another remedy recommended by friends is drinking Chamomile tea, or hot tea with honey and lemon. I also took Hack sweets - the black ones with a picture of a bald man coughing in his hankerchief. So for the whole of the week, apart from avoiding oily and spicy food, I went about my work bringing along packets of hacks and a themos flask of these remedies. Hey - it works. I don't know which one did it but I felt better.

I wish all my friends a happy, prosperous and successful Gong Xi Fa Cai. Have a nice long week end and enjoy your holidays or just plain lazing at home.

Redha

I read my brother's blog regarding his subsequent redha on the death of our beloved sister due to a fatal accident in Pahang in September 1979. He wrote "My other brothers and sisters and even parents were fast to redza and after a short period of mourning ,life went on as usual for them ,alhamdullillah. I had fits of depression and lounging for years to come." How wrong he was - his depression was the guilt but mine was the loss.

I was depressed for years as I was closer to her than to any other persons in my young life. We shared alot together. She was a big part of my life - guiding me and always being there for me. For the few months after her passing I was virtually under the care of friends in college who ensured that I go through my daily life safely as I just wanted to die along with her. I would crossed roads without looking at the traffic as I just don't care. I didn't care about my personal hygiene for days as I don't care if I rot as I didn't have the will to live. I felt empty and hollow inside. Everything was a blur as I numbed my feelings and emotions. My brain was shut down and I think I was able to pass my 4th year in university due to compassion from lecturers. I was just going through the motion. Every free moments I had I would be praying for her - I would be imagining her crying at the gate of our house, calling out our names, wanting to be back with us and the feeling of helplessness was heart-wrenching and excruciating.

I was angry at my brother and sister for delaying our departure to the hospital where she was in coma. I could still remember the sadness and the tense mood in the car and my complete breakdown upon seeing her body laid on the stretcher. She died alone - on a stretcher at the cold corridoor of an alien hospital. The subsequent events - being in the van with her from Pahang to our hometown in KB, holding her, praying and hoping that she would move or open her eyes and that this was just a bad dream, and then the burial, was and still is the worst time of my life. The last night I remembered her alive was on her wedding night - all of us were exhausted and sleeping. She woke me up in the middle of the night and asked to borrow my "kain sembahyang" as hers was too small and kept slipping. Too tired and too sleepy I did not get up to give her mine but sleepily told her to tie up her sarong in a double knot and she quietly went out of my room. Three days later I was at the public phone in UTM trying to call her, when my brother came to the university to inform me about her accident. I didn't believe him and prayed intensely to hear her voice over the phone - she's going to pick up that phone and I felt at that moment I need to tell her how much I loved her, to say sorry for all the selfish things I did to her while she had unconditionally loved and cared for me. I carried the anger, the guilt but most of all the deep sadness and longing for years and years.

I still dream of her.  Whenever I have the opporturnity I would tell my husband and children about her - how pretty she was, how everybody loved her, how all of us would call out to her at the dinner table to tell her our day, how she helped me to find my books or things lost, how she would patiently coax me whenever I sulked, how she ate her rambutan and asam boi, and how compassionate she was. To me at that time she was my anchor, she was perfect and like an angel.

I guess all of us siblings and my mum suffered in our separate ways - we never talked about how deep the loss was to us. On the exterior "life went on as usual". But we never play the game of cards "Ginrami" as a family again - the laughter, the secret code, the excitement can never be replicated and be echoed ever again. I could never see anyone who looks like her without an ache and longing. Redha? - of course we redha it is God's will. I never question that. But her death changed me forever. AlFatihah.