Blessing in disguise

I tried to rationalise my feelings and pacify myself that the best man wins but the feeling of being betrayed yet again by friends is overwhelming. I gave part of my life, not to mention the sacrifices and effort of not only on my part but that of my family. I felt the turmoil inside me, the feeling of not being appreciated and belittled by those who don't really know me - guess this is what they described as "perasaan gundah gulana".  I was in a very vulnerable state.

At the same time I was also experiencing another difficult situation that would jeopadize our family's intention of performing umrah. My daughter is undergoing practical training and may not be able to join us. The thought of my beloved Ina not with me on such a peotic and serene moment of three generations in front of the holy Kaabah is something that I could not bear. The whole day was tense and I was panicky as I made numerous phones calls in between having to sit in meetings and all the engaged tones and unanswered calls. Thank God for good souls and friends who went beyond their duties to assist and granting the necessary permission and exemption. Upon it being resolved I just broke down and wept.

It makes me realised how small my other personal problem was in comparison. I felt at peace with myself and the turmoil inside me just vanished and it just doesn't matter much. They always tell you that God works in mysterious ways. He may not grant you this wish but other things happened that put you in a better perspective of life and what matters most. It reminds me of a boy who wished for a bicycle for christmas. The boy prayed hard everyday for God to grant his wish. On christmas day he excitedly run to the christmas tree expecting a bicycle but alas it was not there. His poor mum who could not afford the bicycle cried and said "I'm sorry God did not answer your prayer". And the boy said "No mum, God answered my prayer - He said No".

It is customary that as we embark on our holy pilgrimage we need to ask for forgiveness from families and friends. I hereby ask for forgiveness from all my friends if I had in any way consciously or unconciously hurt you.