Blessing in disguise

I tried to rationalise my feelings and pacify myself that the best man wins but the feeling of being betrayed yet again by friends is overwhelming. I gave part of my life, not to mention the sacrifices and effort of not only on my part but that of my family. I felt the turmoil inside me, the feeling of not being appreciated and belittled by those who don't really know me - guess this is what they described as "perasaan gundah gulana".  I was in a very vulnerable state.

At the same time I was also experiencing another difficult situation that would jeopadize our family's intention of performing umrah. My daughter is undergoing practical training and may not be able to join us. The thought of my beloved Ina not with me on such a peotic and serene moment of three generations in front of the holy Kaabah is something that I could not bear. The whole day was tense and I was panicky as I made numerous phones calls in between having to sit in meetings and all the engaged tones and unanswered calls. Thank God for good souls and friends who went beyond their duties to assist and granting the necessary permission and exemption. Upon it being resolved I just broke down and wept.

It makes me realised how small my other personal problem was in comparison. I felt at peace with myself and the turmoil inside me just vanished and it just doesn't matter much. They always tell you that God works in mysterious ways. He may not grant you this wish but other things happened that put you in a better perspective of life and what matters most. It reminds me of a boy who wished for a bicycle for christmas. The boy prayed hard everyday for God to grant his wish. On christmas day he excitedly run to the christmas tree expecting a bicycle but alas it was not there. His poor mum who could not afford the bicycle cried and said "I'm sorry God did not answer your prayer". And the boy said "No mum, God answered my prayer - He said No".

It is customary that as we embark on our holy pilgrimage we need to ask for forgiveness from families and friends. I hereby ask for forgiveness from all my friends if I had in any way consciously or unconciously hurt you.

SUPERWOMAN

A week ago was Mother's day. There was a TV program that showed a woman who is raising 50 kids - 6 of her own and the rest are either abandoned, or HIV-positive, or with special needs kids. One could see that here is a woman who is full of love and compassion. It also showed another woman who is caring for her special child that engulfed her whole life. My own mum raised 9 children when my dad died when I was 2 years old. I paled in comparison. I felt inadequate and had not done enough.

Then I read my son's blog - Golden Slumber:

" beautiful, smart, elegant (browsing through thesaurus as we speak..) - words won't do you any justice.

you can enter america's next top model and emerge the winner the next day

you can be in who wants to be a millionaire and walk away with 1 million in the next half an hour

you can even be the next big Apprentice working alongside Trump in a finger snap

but please... jangan masuk 'Jangan Lupa Lirik' :)

if only theres superman's robe in her wardrobe, everything would make make so much sense! the things she did and achieve is almost superhuman-esque :)

thank you, thank you, thank you, to know you is a privilege, but to have you as a mom... i dont even know where to begin :) happy mother's day mama, i love you i love you.

always a superwoman to me :)"

Then my daughter commented in her brother's blog

"to mama : there wont be any space in your wardrobe for a superman robe unless you clean it and give it all to ........ ME! you know the drill ma, K I F M! sayyyyy what? K I F M! ( keep it for me) you truly are a mother like no other. our guiding light, our source of strength and... the list goes on. kembang dah tuuu kembangggg! :8) i could wish to grow to be like you. minus your bad sense of direction that is :P love youu! nak milo!"

My other son gave me a casing, which is no more in stock, for my out-dated 3G iphone in his favorite color - black. He said I would always think of him. I received sms from my nephew who is more of a son to me. He sms "Happy mother's day to my lovely aunty, cikmun..... thank you for supporting me, sporting.....may Allah bless ur kindness...tq cikmun..love u.."

I was blown away. Inadequacies - Gone; feeling of not doing enough - Gone. As they say "one kid at a time". I have done my part.

Now - if only I could ensure that they wake up early for their Subuh prayer instead of what was said in the quality term of  "JIT - Just In Time"!!