You think you've done enough?

I chance upon an intriguing article by knizam in facebook with regards to a wife's duties to her husband. Its a long article, using in-your-face language, that received flak from his female friends who accuse him of being an MCP. What drawn me to the article is that in between his  bewilderment  towards a wife who did not respect and "want" her man is the simplicity of the point he is making - but whether his equation is true or not is debatable.

He started by putting across a scenario of a tired but faithful wife, who may herself have a career, doing household chores and care for the children, then hubby coming home expecting to be served and attended to including in bed which the wife dutifully did. But lo and behold hubby is still wayward and infidel - WHY?? His theory is that doing all those things, are not enough - those are basic. (you know that Maslow theory of needs). The key element is "the wife wanting the husband" not the other way round (or in his words "seorang isteri itu patut memberi khidmat dengan sangkaan bahawa dia yang berhajat pada suaminya, bukan suami berhajat padanya!"). This makes the difference on a wife's attitude - doing out of duty or doing out of want. The former plants the seeds of betrayal but the latter keeps her man.

The question, as one of his female friends asked is, how do you make your body "want" when the heart bleeds? The "bleed" maybe due to things that hubby did or did not do - it could be some hurtful behavior or just little things which over the years accumulated and became like a cancerous tumor that grew.

A good friend of mine said that a man who took a second wife is not because he wants to or because he is not happy with his wife - but because he just can't say "NO". A man can flirt around, be extremely friendly with young women, have numerous girlfriends, even sow his wild seeds but when it come to the crutch/ when the besotted sweet young thing asked to be married - the man must have the courage to say No.

My mum advised me on my wedding day that you can never know a man who is quiet and internalised. That's the kind of husband who has a virtual diary in his mind. Any disobediance or stubborness from the wife will be tolerated. He would not make a scene, nor repeat himself, but these dislikes goes in that virtual diary and when the diary is virtually full he would close the book and walk away. And at that moment when the wife asked why, he can't explain himself but the feeling towards her is just gone. So armed with that advice, every Hari Raya, not only did I ask for hubby's forgiveness as any wife would, but I asked him to erase or undo all his virtual jottings!!

Umrah 2011

There were 10 of us comprising mum, sister, two brothers, two sisters-in-law, nephew, Lila, Ina and I. It was a motley of different characters and behaviors but with one common goal - in search of God's forgiveness............ and bearing myriads of hajats. It was a holy journey, a penghijrahan, and it was also a journey of self-discovery. As we mingled amongst us and others in between the 5 prayer times, that one poetic phrase that kept coming to mind is "the humility to accept what cannot be changed, the courage to change what cannot be accepted and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other".


My beloved sisters

There were so many memories - taking turns to push mum's wheelchair, finding the most wheelchair-friendly route to the mosque and sticking to it, the challenges we faced in crowded cramped toilets, the funny moments we had with mum due to her forgetfulness in taking her insulin jabs and her shaking hands, the pigeon that fly-in the taxi to sit on Ina's lap, Lila and the immigration, apple cider and honey, spirulina quacker oats with sambal daging, dessert cart by sis, lubanah, Faisal and burger king, shopping at Safwa towers, good souls who tapau food for us, the spray bottle for emergency ablution,  praying under the hot hot sun outside the mosque, the serenity of the mosques, salam Rasullulah SAW, Raudhah, the tasbih, the sunats, the doas, the hajats, the tears, and of course the Umrah. Doa perpisahan and tawaf wida' were the most heartfelt goodbyes. No other experience could match all these.


Fooling around with my botak-head nephew

I thank my sisters, brothers, etc for this wonderful journey, this colourful experience that I would hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.  I have make good my promise to mum two years ago when she was critically ill for a month in the ICU - begging her to hold on and praying hard to God to give me another chance.

Ya Allah - ampunlah dosa kedua ibu bapaku, guru-guruku, kaum keluargaku, saudara-saudaraku yang telah meninggal, kaum muslimin dan muslimat. Ya Allah ampunlah dosa suamiku, dosa anak-anakku dan dosaku. Berilah kami keberkatan dunia dan akhirat. Selamatlah kami dari fitnah dunia, dari seksa kubur, dari khianat dajjal, dan dari azab api neraka.Ya Allah mati kami dalam iman. Amin.

Our travel agent is Destinasi Travel & Tours - contact the ever-patient Nik Faizal Amin 017 6877026.